How often do you hear yourself saying ‘No’?

We all say ‘No’ to our children probably several times a day. Even if we phrase it in a more positive way! However, how often do you say ‘No’ to other people?

‘Would you be able to back some cakes for our cake sale please?’

‘Would you mind working a few more hours next week on our new project?’

‘Can you come into work on your day off, for this very important meeting?’

‘Are you able to spare a few hours to volunteer at your child’s school?

‘Can you just do me a favour and ring the bank for me, because I’m stuck at work?’

Do you hear yourself saying ‘Yes, of course. I can do that for you’? Only afterwards to curse yourself, wondering why you’ve agreed to take on extra things when you are already really busy?

Saying ‘Yes’, is great. BUT….. and this is important…

If you say ‘Yes’ to one thing, you are

saying ‘No’ to something else.

I always used to do this, and sometimes still catch myself saying ‘Yes’ to something I didn’t really want to do, that didn’t help me in anyway and actually ended up making me feel stressed because of the extra pressure I’d put on myself. I was very proud of the fact that I was living proof of the saying ‘If you want something done, ask a busy person.’

In my first job, I wanted to make a good impression and not only did my full time job as a primary teacher, but also ran a dance club, 2 gymnastics clubs, an Esteem Club (for children with poor co-ordination), school council, planned, choreographed and organised a gym and dance display every year and helped with every drama production. None of the extra was for financial gain and certainly, I loved doing the dance and gym. However, I became increasingly stressed as people just kept asking more of me and I had to learn to say ‘NO’.

Try saying ‘No’ – it is a bit scary but quite liberating. I was in the middle of a piece of work, the other day, when I received a phone call. I answered and the request was from a colleague, wanting me to do something for them immediately.’ In the past, I would have dropped everything and run to put out the fire, returning to my work later, to forget what I was thinking and then find I didn’t have the time I had planned to complete my work.

But, after hearing what the issue was, it wasn’t a matter of life or death and I said ‘No, I can’t do that for you at the moment. I’ll have a look later.’ I then carried on with my work, feeling relieved and not under pressure.

I’m not saying never to help others, but you could be really radical and say ‘No. I can’t do that at the moment or on this occasion. I’ll help you out later or next time’.

Try it… Give yourself permission to say ‘No’.

Of course, you can say ‘Yes’, but say ‘Yes’ if it aligns with what’s important to you. My fitness is important to me. If a friend asks if I’d like to meet up for a catch up at 9.30am on a Monday morning, I would say ‘No’. That is when I do my ballet class. I love this class and will not sacrifice it.

Maybe you think I’m being cold and unkind. If I said ‘yes’ to meet up, I’d being saying ‘no’ to my ballet class, saying ‘no’ to my fitness, my time to be creative and enjoy doing something just for me. But what I then say is, ‘but, I can meet you at 11am, if that suits you?’

So, when you say ‘Yes’ to something, just check with yourself what you are saying ‘No’ to. There is a finite amount of time and you need to use your time doing what is important to you. If you say ‘Yes’ to scrolling through social media or flicking through the TV channels…what are you saying ‘No’ to at the same time? Are you saying ‘No’ to your fitness, your health? Is this important to you.

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